Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
