when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
