WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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