the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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