I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
