I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
