we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
