Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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