I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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