I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
