note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
