I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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