that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
