she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
