dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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