if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
