Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
