my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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