i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize