there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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