Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
