Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
