I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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