the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
