omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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