I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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