Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
