she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
