Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
