I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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