dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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