If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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