Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
