She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
