Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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