I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
