Acid is not a monday night drug
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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