i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize