So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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