I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
