ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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