he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
