Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
