Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
