some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
