1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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