please come you make the beer taste better
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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