there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I believe in your delicious
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
