i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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