He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
