The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I die, sorry about rent.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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