just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
