He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
