Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
