We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Please don't give away my fajitas
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
