Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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