totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
