I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
