drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
