I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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