Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im part way to drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
