I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I want to have your abortion
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
