Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
