did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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